Doctors' appointment~

Last tuesday ada appointment ngan Prof & Dr Liza...schedule for 3rd IUI (last attempt)..kalo xlepas jugak tahun depan kena proceed IVF..ini pon doc dah tanye ade sakit2 x?sebab die takot endo grow back and being worst...aku ckp xde..kdg2 je...tp xde la sakit terok pon..

Disebabkan 2 attempt lepas using clomid telor xnak berkembang dengan jayanya...so this time start CD 2 kena amek folliova 75iu for 6 days..so tiap ari kena g hosp untuk injection CD2-CD7 (risau bertembung ngn raya haji je - sah2 kena inject sendiri nanti)...harga folliova 1 injection 75iu RM70, kalo lepas 6 injection x berkembang...increase double dose...so double the price...x expect lgsung cost 3rd IUI nie kan mendadak cam nie...sebelum nie amek clomid ngan gonal f cuma bayar RM250 je..(doctor kate stock gonal f spital dah abes dat y kena beli ubat dr luar...so bayaran pon mahal la)..so mmg dah spare la duit tuh...yg lain cdgnyer nak beli other vitamins...tapi bila ade revision dlm cost nie...hrmmm bnyk nak kena skip...

Ari nie first day being full time housewifey...huhu...so ngah planning schedule makan and ubat2 and vitamins...kalo nie xmo stress2...nak jaga makan... nak jaga tido...jg solat jugak..harap sgt usaha kali nie berbaloi....harap sgt sgt sgt sgt sgt.....and harap jugak bos ofis lama (cm lama benor) akan bayar tunggakan kwsp, socso, claim and gaji aku secepatnyer sebelum treatment...harap aku xkan stress sebab die...hahahaha...

Good news for others~

Hari nie call my beloved mommy...bgtau adik aku yg kawen bulan 6 ari tuh dah preggy 2 bulan....happy for her...it is..but for TTCian like me good news for other in term of pregnancy make us feel bitter for our condition...how we wish we were also being at same shoes...but after all it's about her, i'm happy for that...at least my parent can have grandchildren soon...

it just that...when my hubby said...sy kesiankan awak bila dengar berita macam nie...waktu tu rase mmg nak luruh jantung..i'm so lucky having him instead of other for being my husband...he's such an understanding, caring and loving husband...he always complete & comfort me whenever i'm at fragile state..but ya the spotlight would still goes to me as people will keep asking questions why we cant conceive...suggesting this product..that product..insisting we buy this and that...i do understand their concern..but they just dont understand the underlying problem...even if i explained...they still dont get it...still suggesting this and that where some of it just cause more inflammation for my endo...

hari nie perut belah kiri rasa sakit plak...rase dah lepas waktu subur...xtau nape ...dah dapat date baru untuk appointment doc..tp diorang suh husband pegi jugak...aiyooo...hubby ku busy...hope die leh pegi la kejap...but tau je la gomen hosp...pegi awal pon lum tentu dpt awal...lg2 aku mmg xde amek no ape cam orang len...kena tunggu doc jugak...9 oct nie next appointment...looking forward for that...huhu...harap this last treatment boleh bagi gud news...tp xnak la terlalu berharap...kang hampa plak...huhu..

well....aku dah tender resignation (well my bos wud be damn happy coz die mmg xsuka aku cuti utk treatment)...next week last keje...sebab aku target next period 20hb so boleh la in the mean time try to fit my body for treatment...ngah nak setup jadual harian untuk sebulan tuh...be discipline ok!(peringatan utk diri sendiri)...kali nie like it or not kena disiplin kan diri...jadual xcomplete lagi...next week mesti siapkan jugak...huhu..

appointment being cancelled!

just received call from hosp...sepatutnyer appt esok pg...tp akan ditunda maybe 23hb oct coz untuk review both doc kena ade...and die nak jumpe husband skali...haishhh...maknenyer IUI ditunda lagi la...estimate date utk next period 20 oct...kalau appointment 23hb ...dec la jawabnyer next iui nie..a bit disappointed ..a bit ker?rase cam ngah frust giler jek nie..

end of sept, just received news from a fren of mine, his wife also same like me got endo & hydrosalphinx, but her hydrosalphinx are worsening and affect both the tube now... feels sorry for them but at the same time i'm scared that mine will get worse too...

rasenyer bila dah dengar macam2 rase nak betul2 jg makan utk elakkan inflammation getting worse.. tp certain foods and drink sgt menduga perasaan...i just cant resist it...huhu...but from last time, i have cut so many things in my daily diet..no caffeine, no soft drink, limit dairy product and red meats, no soy, no drinking (of coz la), no smoking (xpenah terase nak cuba pon)...but was it enuf??

tapi ape yg paling aku kecewa skang...aku nak benti and fokus pada treatment and i think i had enuf with this co...9 month working...and still not confirm...coz xnak naikkan gaji aku...coz nak byr epf n sosco pon xde duit katenyer...so how....shall i stay??shall i just resign and let fate decide my rezki...what shall i do then...what shall i decide?????

missed the appointment~

stupid but funny...dengan yakinnya pegi hospital untuk appointment...kad hosp hilang tp tgk kad kalendar ade bulat tarikh tu...so dengan yakin...itu tarikh appointment la...call hospital langsung lupa nak confirmkan appointment...just tanye procedure utk appointment kalo kad hilang...hahahaha....bila datang je...hosp ckp nama xde dalam appointment kena pg o&g dulu confirmkan...but die akan issue la kad baru...so pegi la bawak kad tu masuk...masyaAllah...ramainyer org...ari rabu ari check-up utk ibu mengandung kot...ramai bebenor orangnyer...sampai nak duduk pon xde seat...so bile bg kad..die suh duduk dulu...tp berdiri je la depan tu...bukan ade kerusi kosong pon kan...huhu...then nurse panggil..

nurse: ada appointment ke hari nie?
aku: kad sy hilang, saya rase hari ni appointment nyer...tp xbrape sure..
nurse: nak buat iui ker?day ke brape hari nie?
aku: eh tak..tak..appointment doc je...
nurse: dah lepas iui ker? post treatment yer? iui lekat ke x..
aku: tak..dua2 fail...ari tu stop skejap treatment...nie baru nak check-up balik utk last treatment..
nurse 2: (baru sampai kaunter n cam muka aku)...die dah lepas iui...cek dlm buku...utk schedule seterusnya...
nurse: (tros g cek buku) then panggil aku... appointment awak semalam nie...awak sorang je xdatang...ari nie ramai orang...ade seratus lebih...awak nak tunggu ke...pukul 4 kalau dapat pon...napa xcall clinic tanye appointment?
aku: xpayah la macam tu...sorry lupa nak confirmkan...ckp pasal kad je..dah letak baru teringat...amek tarikh lain je la..
nurse: bila expected period nie...
aku: 20hb kot
nurse: date ni ade slot kosong tp doc awak pg bercuti time nie...doc lain je ada...mgu depan plak dah penuh...bulan oct boleh...
aku: xkesah bila2 pon...
nurse: ok saye masukkan awak dlm date 2 oct yer...time nie doc ade...
aku: ok...

setelah nurse tu tulis appointment kat kad...aku pon blahkan diri...sambil berpikir...ape ke bengapnyer leh terlupa tarikh appointment nie...boleh plak yakin diri dan penuh semangat waja pegi hari tu...padahal tarikh sepatotnyer aku kat umah demam selsema...baik aku g hosp je time tu...aishhh...

tapi mungkin itu terbaik kot...walau pon nak teruskan iui terakhir nie...tp aku tahu badan aku xsedia lg..plus..aku xnak bazirkan masa bila badan xnak respond pada ubat due to stress...so i have decide sumthing...just implementation die xtau la bila...harap dlam masa terdekat selepas appointment nanti...kali nie sgt nekad...have to cherish this opportunity...ivf is far from thinking right now...even it is the possible way to conceive...but as for now...i just dont have enuf money for that...it is costly indeed...

i hope i will prepared enuf for the last chance....i will...

it's hurt~

~ When insensitive comments are made, no matter how innocent the intentions, it just stings. Even when you know it's coming, it can still be hard to process. ~ practicalkatie.com

being infertile does make us sensitive..especially when other people dragged 'child' into conversation that shouldn't have any of it.